After much soul searching and chemically assisted meditation, I've decided that I will not seek the nomination for governor of the state of Iowa from whatever political party I currently belong to (I can't recall which it is) and if I do receive the nomination from my party I will not accept it and if I do win the election as governor, I don't intend to serve but if I do, I won't like it.
I promise that as a person who is not governor, I will not favor any special interest, I will not raise taxes and I will not take bribes (unless some fool offers me one for some reason).
I have come up with a slogan in my campaign not to be elected governor, "If the state goes to hell, don't blame Ross." I'll put that on bumper stickers for distribution to my non supporters.
I plan on appearing across the state and going door to door, urging people not to vote for me. I'll need to get a staff of volunteers, people who are extremely bored and have absolutely nothing better to do.
People who want to contribute to my campaign not to be governor can contact me directly and just hand me a large wad of cash.
If I'm successful in my campaign not to be elected governor, I plan on taking my lack of an agenda nationwide in two years in a campaign not to be elected President of the United States.