[Masthead] Fair ~ 42°F  
High: 75°F ~ Low: 52°F
Thursday, May 5, 2016

Ross Rambles: A matter of some importance

Wednesday, December 27, 2006

(Photo)
For those of you tired of amusing stories about genocide in Darfur or weary of those fluff pieces about the lighter side of war, there is a news story that elevates journalism to unparalleled heights of gravity.

I am of course talking about the dispute between Rosie O'Donnell and Donald Trump. Not since Lincoln and Douglas squared off in the 19th century have mental heavyweights astounded us with such eloquent epithets, crafting pejorative gems like "snake oil salesman" and "my nice fat little Rosie."

O'Donnell initiated the exchange following Trump's public decision not to fire Miss USA Tara Conner. Conner, who just turned 21, will go to rehab but keep her crown, following allegations of drug and alcohol abuse.

O'Donnell has a point that Conner has destroyed her usefulness as a role model for youngsters. What is Miss USA other than a role model? She doesn't perform life saving acts or even manufacture useful products. She rides in parades, smiling and waving at the crowd. We penalize high school students for illegal activities so why shouldn't we penalize someone who has been given such an honor as Miss USA.

There are those who believe the whole Conner scandal falls into the 'so what?" category of activity, but I say that if someone wearing a rhinestone tiara is going to ride by in a convertible smiling and waving at me, that person had better exemplify the highest standards of moral purity. Otherwise, I would feel used and violated.

I don't quite understand how Trump is in a position to fire Miss USA but he has become something of a professional firer, even creating a television series based on publicly firing people. If he walked into this office today and told us that we were all fired, we'd start cleaning out our desks.

Rosie and Donald are threatening to sue each other because of disparaging remarks. Hopefully each of them will be awarded something like $25 for damage to each other's reputations.

I believe I have a potential lawsuit for which I could get at least twice that amount, not for anything somebody said about me but for gross, or at least kind of bad, negligence, which is of course is way off the original topic of this column but I can do that because of the header of my weekly column.

I overheard a comment at a city council meeting after the council approved the replacement of a furnace at the Spring Lake Yacht Club. Someone commented that the faulty furnace at the yacht club was a lawsuit waiting to happen.

That got me to thinking that exposure to toxic gases at the yacht club many years ago might be what caused me to become fat and bald.

This development had a negative impact on my ability to pursue my preferred career goal of becoming a professional escort for rich widows.

Heck, with punitive damages, I might be able to get an award well into three figures.