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Monday, Sep. 15, 2014

Struck Strikes Out: Breaking up can be shocking

Thursday, August 28, 2008

We always talk about prep sports and athletes, and the games they play, but what about their hectic social lives? With the new school year just starting, here's one of the most frequent questions asked:

I'm going steady with a real pretty girl, but I think maybe she doesn't like me anymore. How can I tell?

When you go to pick her up for your date and she ain't there, you melon head.

Other tell-tale signs you know the love is gone are:

*She has started grabbing the biggest pizza slice with the most toppings, and devouring all the french fries when you go out to eat.

*Given the fact that in public women always go to the bathroom in pairs, she starts going to the bathroom with the bouncer.

*At the intermission of a school dance, you catch her in a serious lip-lock in the hallway with another boy and she tells you it's just her dentist's son and he was polishing her braces.

*She says "Whatever" to you about 1,000 times a day.

*You tell her how much you like her new hair do and she runs to her beautician the next day and changes it.

*Just about every other boy in school has a photo of her in his locker.

*You go out with her on Sadie Hawkins Day and you have to buy.

*You take her to the prom, she excuses herself to go get some punch and then you see her in the Grand March with another guy.

*She has another boy's class ring - on every finger.

*You take her to a movie, buy the tickets and treats, and she tells you "thanks" and that she'll meet you out front when the movie is over.

*She says "Whatever" to you about 1,100 times a day.

*On her night out with the girls, you see her car at the dentist's kid's house.

*You score the game-winning touchdown at the buzzer and while everyone goes crazy hoisting you on their shoulders, she sits quietly in the bleachers filing her nails.

*On the way home, you ask her what she thought of the game and she says, "Whatever."

*You give her an expensive birthstone for Valentine's Day and she throws it in the box with her kid brother's rock collection.

*You tell her how beautiful she is in the moonlight and she says, "Whatever."

*Her family invites you over for dinner and they eat steaks and you get a hotdog. No catsup.

*You give her an expensive CD collection for Christmas and she uses them for soft-drink coasters.

*You pay her a surprise visit and find her in her folks' hot tub getting her braces polished again by that dentist's kid.

*You compliment her on her shiny clean braces and she says, "Whatever."

*On your way out of the hot tub room you accidentally bump a plugged-in hair dryer into the water. And as the electricity fills the air and your ex-girl and the dentist's kid spark and smolder in loving embrace, you hop in your car and drive off into the sunset a free man, knowing full well there are many more games to win and lots of other girls out there.

Without braces and whatever.

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