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Thursday, May 5, 2016

Struck Strikes Out

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Chillin' with Oprah and Acai

Oprah Winfrey's all time recommendation on her show is the acai diet. Oprah herself is using this to reduce her weight. She recently admitted in an interview that she now weighs 40 pounds more than her weight in 2006.

Oprah contends that this wonder fruit acai berry, grown in the Amazon Basin that is known to be the land of berries, is rated as the No. 1 Super Food by experts, who have explained many benefits of this berry. Among these are:

* It reduces your appetite naturally without any side effects.

* It is rich in vitamin C. This helps in flushing out the wastes from the body and keeping the bowel clean.

*It is rich in the anti-oxidants. These remove the toxins that are blocking in your body and this way keep the digestion process intact.

*It attacks the stored fats in the bowel area and removes them from the body.

*It also does not allow any further wastage blockage in the system. This way it does not allow the fats, toxins & cholesterol to get stored in again.

*It makes you feel active & rejuvenated, full of energy.

*It keeps you mentally alert.

*It is a great natural anti-aging agent.

*It makes your skin shining and hair stronger.

*It also strengthens the immune system and can improve on ED.

Intrigued and skeptical, I got A-Rod's cousin to fetch me some acai berries purchased over the counter. We were young and stupid. Oh, my. Would you believe?

The other night I scored 137 points in a city league basketball game, including sinking all 40 three-point shots.

I got on Poker.com and made $400,000 in seven minutes, winning three hands on jack-seven, a pair of deuces, and ace-king.

I broke up the ice jams causing flooding on the Little Sioux River with my pitching wedge and an old pool cue borrowed from Beryl's in 1970.

I flew Air Force 1 to Wimbledon for a midnight match at Center Court with Serena Williams and tanked the last game so she could win and we could get to the Royal Palace and join the Queen in the hot tub.

I appeared on the Oprah Show with Barack Obama, Gladys Knight, Bruce Springsteen, Madonna, and Beyonce to discuss the merits of acai as we recorded a CD soon to hit the market, and then worked the downtown clubs into the wee hours. I ended up with Beyonce, The Boss with Gladys, and Madonna with A-Rod's cousin. Barack and Oprah went to IHOP for acai berry pancakes with Michelle and Steadman.

I fixed Pittsburgh Steeler quarterback Ben Roethlisberger's busted ribs with duct tape and spit, saving him from several weeks of rehab.

I purchased the old Yankee Stadium to save it from the wrecking ball and also bought the Baseball Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. I disassembled Yankee Stadium and relocated it around the Hall of Fame in Cooperstown. You now enter the Hall through the Yankee center field monuments. Admission is free except for the Performance Enhancing Drugs (PED) Section. That baby costs you your legacy.

I went to DisneyWorld with Phoenix Cardinals' receiver and Pro Bowl MVP Larry Fitzgerald and worked on his vertical on the beach; he now can jump 51 inches to my 48.

I wrote a book with Paul Simon - "50 Ways To Heave Your Putter" - and it immediately hit the New York Times Best Sellers List

I recorded a new DVD with Jackson Browne entitled "California Girls Lip Sync Paul's Stuff," now the #1 download track for I-Tunes.

And, I wrote a newspaper column after a self-imposed hiatus.

Acai berries. Get some.

Acai?

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