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Tuesday, May 3, 2016

Basic Biittner: Punny You Should Ask ...

Monday, April 5, 2010

A friend, who shall remain nameless , sent me these "groaner" puns the other day, and I thought I'd share them with you.

Puns For Educated Minds

(authors unknown , and probably wouldn't admit to it, anyway)

− The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference, who acquired his size from too much pi.

− I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

− She was only a whiskey maker, but he loved her still.

− A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class, because it was a weapon of math disruption.

− No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

− A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.

− Two silk worms had a race. They ended up in a tie.

− A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it.

− Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I called these "groaner" puns, because a good pun (or bad, the terms are kind of interchangeable with puns) almost always produces that result from the reader/listener.

If the above weren't enough to satisfy your DGR (Daily Groan Requirement), I'll be glad to throw a few more out there for you :

- Don't justify sin, just defy sin.

- I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.

- Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.

- I couldn't remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

- I used to have a fear of hurdles, but I got over it.

- He drove his expensive car into a tree and found out how the Mercedes bends.

- I decided that becoming a vegetarian was a missed steak.

- Police were called to a daycare where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

- There was once a cross-eyed teacher who couldn't control his pupils.

- To write with a broken pencil is pointless.

- A bicycle can't stand on its own, because it is two-tired.

- Pencils could be made with erasers at both ends, but what would be the point?

- It is tough to do inventories in Afghanistan because of the tally ban.

- The dead batteries were given out free of charge.

Had enough?

Me, too. I guess I'll just make like a tree and leaf.

Please stop me !!!

Dan Whitney
Basic Biittner