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Friday, Aug. 29, 2014

BP, it's time to Rock & Roll

Monday, June 14, 2010

Back in my fast-pitch softball, bar-hoppin' days, every once in a while, a bar in some town on our softball circuit would have a gallon jar filled with some kind of transparent liquid heavier than water - no, it wasn't Terry Branstad.

Anyways, there was a shot glass centered in the bottom of the jar and customers could test their luck by dropping a quarter through a hole in the lid into the jar to see if it would tumble down and land in the shot glass. If it did, you got all the quarters lying in the bottom that had missed the target. Sometimes, there could be several dollars worth so, for a struggling college boy, a few "wasted" quarters were thought to be worth the risk. The bar owner would take his cut out each night if nobody won, and leave enough quarters in the bottom to entice the next gambler the next day.

I've been thinking about the British Petroleum oil gusher in the Gulf of Mexico that is tragically impacting the gulf, its beaches, its wildlife refuges, its fishing and tourism industry, and eventually, the soaring gasoline prices that will surely surface and be blamed by the industry on the "dramatic loss of billions of gallons of crude oil" because of the BP blunder.

First of all, for the BP and other industry officials inept enough to not see this coming, we should take them out and shoot them. Frontier justice, baby. What do you think should be the penalty for killing 11 employees and our planet?

Uh...back to the quarters in the jar.

So far, nothing's working to stop the oil gusher ruining the gulf and each day it gets more critical. Wildlife, flora and fauna, and soon, people will be dying as the oil spreads for thousands of miles and hits the beaches like a hundred Katrinas.

I say load up a big boat, or several big boats with large boulders, drop anchor over the gusher and push those babies into the ocean. To my knowledge, rocks - especially boulders - sink like...well, a stone when dropped in water.

Just like the guy in the bar trying to drop a quarter into the shot glass, we could bomb that gusher with boulder after boulder for days on end until the lucky one hits the gusher and seals the deal.

Heck, we could even number and sell the boulders in a raffle, with the lucky winner, whose boulder sealed the hole, winning millions and the honor of taking those BP and oil industry idiots out and shoot them. And, you get to keep the gun and remaining ammunition!

Bare-faced profits blinded BP and other industry and political officials from seeing the potential for disaster with such oceanic oil drilling. It's time to pay the piper. Criminal charges must be filed sooner than later and everyone involved brought to immediate justice. That killing oil didn't wait several years to ravage the beaches and their economies.

In the meantime, load those boulders on the ships and warp speed out to that gusher. It's time to rock that baby to sleep.

Paul Struck
Struck Strikes Out