Editorial

Just hop on the bus, Gus

Monday, September 22, 2014

OLD SCHOOL:

Wanted: School bus drivers. Must have valid DL, be tall enough to see over dashboard and feet to reach pedals, operate manual door opener and warning light switch, hardly any felonies, wear clothes. Apply at school.

NEW SCHOOL:

Wanted: School bus drivers. Must have valid DL, CDL, master mechanic certification (with own tools), no felonies or misdemeanors or Scout demerits, random drug testing and complete physical required, graduate with honors, fluent in English and three foreign languages, total bladder control for three hours minimum, Class B endorsement, Air Brake endorsement, Passenger endorsement, School Bus endorsement, complete a 17-hour on-line community college course and pass its test, attend a 3-hour face-to-face class with a transportation instructor and pass skills test.

Also, conduct a walk-through bus inspection with DOT officer identifying every moving, integral part on, in and underneath bus, including all mechanical, engine, gauges, lights, transmission, wheel and brake assemblies; must test drive bus with inspector for final pass or fail ruling; all your out-of-pocket expense.

Also, minor in Child Psychology, ordained minister, Black Belt in martial arts, extensive military anti-terrorism training, taser gun proficiency, master chef/nutritionist/lunchbox inspector, band instrument repair degree, IT/GPS and EMT certification, vicious dog whisperer, and an appreciation of rap music, all recommended at this time, but probably becoming mandatory in near future depending on legislative makeup after next election.

Apply at school.

Where all those yellow buses sit idle.