We want to be on Donnie’s team!
Speaking of fake news, I did some research and discovered that Donnie Trump was quite a handful back in his T-Ball and Little League baseball days, running through teammates and coaches like Russians through the White House.
He at first dodged the Little League Draft, but peer pressure forced him to play until he reasoned he didn’t have any peers. His Little League nickname was Pinocchio. His mantra was play with a stacked deck or don’t play. He’s still that way today and is a real tough guy knowing he has the world’s mightiest military on speed dial.
In his T-Ball days, he had his daddy hire Hank Aaron to bat for him, Jesse Owens to run bases for him, and Willie Mays to play defense for him. In coach-pitch, he had his daddy hire Bob Feller as coach.
He bribed the grounds crews so his team ran 60-foot bases, and the opposing team 90-foot bases. His team could lead off and steal bases but the opposing team had to stay on base until the pitch crossed his comb-over. The umpires were all family members and everyone had to call them Trumpires.
When his team batted, the home run fence was laid down and then put back up when the opposing team batted. He carried tobacco chew in a teammate’s pocket while the opposing team had to carry a tobacco farmer on their backs. He paid Stormy Daniels $130,000 to make sure his bat didn’t have a crook in it.
Once he advanced into Little League, he was a terror. He wore a glove on both hands and had his daddy hire someone to throw the ball for him. He sharpened his teammates’ spikes with a file in an effort to slash and disable defenders. He never got the chance because he never got to first base in a game or on a date. He wore pink, bubble-toed Keds because when he stood with his heels together they looked like breasts.
His bat was corked and he purchased PEDs from the Russian Olympic teams. His position in right field was air conditioned! After the game when his teammates would head to Dairy Queen, he had Nikita Kru’s chef preparing KGBBQ in his tricked-out tour bus.
And he was always rude and crude to the opposing players.
“They like it when you grab them there. They let you do anything you want to them when you’re famous,” he once said.
Today, far removed from Little League, Donnie Trump keeps grabbing us all there. I don’t like it one little bit, so I can just imagine what women think about it.
I’d join the #MeToo movement and go after that #@$%&! but I’m on the other side.
Doesn’t that just grab you?