Editorial

The fast food ‘Boss’

Monday, September 14, 2020

Honest. This is NOT fake news. I swear on the president’s bible.

A teen Donald Trump driving his old man’s DeLorean pulls into a Wendy’s drive-through - as usual, all alone with $100 bills hanging out of the glove box and his XXX reel-to-reel recorder in the back seat.

Donald: “Wendy, let me in, I wanna be your friend, I wanna guard your dreams and visions. Just wrap your legs 'round these velvet rims, and strap your hands 'cross my engines! Together we could break this trap, we’ll run 'til we drop, baby, we'll never go back. Oh-oh, will you walk with me out on the wire? Cause, baby, I'm just a scared and lonely rider. But I gotta know how it feels, I wanna know if love is wild. Babe, I want to know if love is real! We gotta get out while we're young. Cause Trumps like us, Baby, we were born to run!! Oh-oh-oh-ooaah…

Girl in Wendy’s window: “My name’s not Wendy. You know how many times I get called that in one shift, you jerk? I suppose you’re gonna tell me you wrote that.”

Donald: “It’s a song. And yes, I wrote it. Wanna hear another one? You say you lost your love, but I saw him yesterday. It’s you he’s thinking of. And he told me what to say. He said he Loves You! And you know that can’t be bad. He said he loves you and you know you should be glad. Yeah-yeah-yeah!”

Girl: I’ve heard that one before, too. You lie a lot. Must be lonely with all that money and that car and no friends. How do you open the door on that thing, anyway?”

Donald: “Let my love open the door. Let my love open the door. Let my love open the door, to your heart! I wrote that one, too. ”

Girl - Yeah, right. That just played on the radio. It’s by Pete Townshend. That Who guy.You gonna order something or not? You’re backing up the other cars.”

Donald: Give me a triple pounder and large fries. No drink. I have dad’s Perrier. Wanna go to the prom with me? I’ll pay you.”

Girl: I’ve got a date. Don’t know who yet, but I’ve got a date. Here’s your food. That’ll be $10.50. $25,000!!! I can’t make change for that.”

Donald: Keep it. It’s yours if you’ll go to prom with me.”

Girl: Uh, OK. I’ll go with you. What color boutonnieres do you like?”

Donald: I’ve got my own boots. They’re Beatle Boots. And these ears are all I have. But they don’t listen too good. Never have.”

Girl:”Wow. $25,000 foe a burger and a prom date! I guess I like you after all!

Donald: You’re just like all the rest. Money talks. When you’re famous they let you do anything you want. I’ll pick you up a 7 Saturday night. By the way, you’d make a great Senator. I’m gonna be president some day and put you in my cabinet. Might even make you my press secretary.”

He did.

Paul Struck